From Victim to Survivor to Thriver




Doesn’t deserve nice things or trying for the "good life."

Struggling for reasons & chance to heal

Gratitude for everything in life.

Low self esteem/shame/unworthy

Sees self as wounded & healing

Sees self as an overflowing miracle

Hyper vigilant

Using tools to learn to relax

Gratitude for new life


Seeking help


Feels Selfish

Deserves to seek help

Proud of Healthy Self caring


Naming what happened

Was wounded & now healing

Confusion & numbness

Learning to grieve, grieving past ungrieved trauma

Grieving at current losses

Overwhelmed by past

Naming & grieving what happened

Living in the present



Faith in self & life

Uses outer world to hide from self

Stays with emotional pain

Understands that emotional pain will pass & brings new insights

Hides their story

Not afraid to tell their story to safe people.

Beyond telling their story, but always aware they have created their own healing with HP

Believes everyone else is better, stronger, less damaged

Comes out of hiding to hear others & have compassion for them & eventually self

Lives with an open heart for self & others

Often wounded by unsafe others

Learning how to protect self by share, check, share

Protects self from unsafe others

Places own needs last

Learning healthy needs (See Healing the Child Within & Gift to Myself)

Places self first realizing that is the only way to function & eventually help others

Creates one drama after another

See patterns

Creates peace

Believes suffering is the human condition

Feeling some relief, knows they need to continue in recovery

Finds joy in peace

Serious all the time

Beginning to laugh

Seeing the humor in life

Uses inappropriate humor, including teasing

Feels associated painful feelings instead

Uses healthy humor

Uncomfortable, numb or angry around toxic people

Increasing awareness of pain & dynamics

Healthy boundaries around toxic people, incl. relatives

Lives in the past

Aware of patterns

Lives in the Now

Angry at religion

Understanding the difference between religion & personal spirituality

Enjoys personal relationship with the God of their understanding

Suspicious of therapists-- projects

Sees therapist as guide during projections

Sees reality as their projection & owns it.

Needs people & chemicals to believe they are all right

Glimpses of self-acceptance & fun without others

Feels authentic & connected, Whole


Movement of feelings



©Barbara Whitfield 2003